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What to do if Your Kid’s Don’t Want to Travel?

Lately I’ve seen a number of comments about people planning amazing trips for their kids and their kids simply not wanting to go. Even if you have happy travelers we’ve all had those travel moments when your kids simply don’t want to do an activity or declare that the trip is going to be boring.

So what do you do in these situations? Do you leave your kids home and travel without them? Do you drag your kids along with you no matter if they’re miserable? Today I want to dig into the why behind this complicated issue and some strategies to help you deal with the situation.

As a parent of 3 teens and an outdoor educator for decades I've spent plenty of time with kids who don't want to be there, and I have some insights and ideas to deal with reluctant participants.  Of course their reluctance may be part of a bigger problem and the thoughts and ideas below are stricly mine from years of experience working with kids.  This advice is meant for kids over 5 and in general doesn't apply to younger kids.

Start by Identifying the Problem

The first place to start is to identify the problem and the why behind your kids reluctance to travel. Your kid may not want to travel for so many reasons and the way you address the situation is often specific to the reason behind their unwillingness. Here are some of the reasons your kids might not want to travel – below I go into specific ways to address some of these concerns.

  • A fear of travel itself – flying, driving, etc
  • Social fear of missing something at home (with friends or sports or school)
  • A need for control – simply not wanting to travel because the parents want to go, or the kid wasn’t consulted, or wants some control over the situation.
  • They are unwilling to get out of their comfort zone and leave their routine
  • A fear of the unknown
  • Not understanding why travel is fun and assuming they will be ‘bored’
  • A concern that they can’t access their comforts – like their phone, or the food they like, etc.

How do you Know The Reason They don’t want to Travel

In a perfect world, your mature kid will simply tell you why they don’t want to travel -and sometimes they will. Other times they won’t even know themself why they don’t want to travel.

A few years ago we took our kids to Ecuador. We arrived during carnival with parades and people who would chase your around spraying you with foam and colored powder. Our then 14 year old daughter was an unhappy grump. Instead of saying she was uncomfortable with this foreign city, she moped, complained of a headache, and simply wanted to just sit in the hotel. Whether she was ashamed of her fear or simply didn’t know why she wasn’t happy doesn’t matter. In the moment she was unable to explain why she was unhappy and address the problem. After a few tweaks, we spent some time out of the city and she felt more comfortable and willing to be her adventurous self.

To determine why your kids don’t want to travel, start with a simple conversation. Try to ask open ended questions and avoid judging their reasons (or at least trying to solve their problem right away).

If your kid continues to say things like: I just don’t want to go, or just because, or I don’t like to travel, it’s time to do some more detective work. Try to ask less direct questions or make it about someone else. Ask them where they would like to travel or their dream vacation.

I’ve found keeping my questions more hypothetical makes it easier for kids to share opinions without being judged. If I ask -‘ why don’t you want to go to Florida?’ I’m going to get a different response than ‘If you were going on a trip to Florida- what would you want to see?’ or ‘what do you know about Florida?’

Keep digging until you either get something to go on or try to read between the lines to understand what is at the root of your kids reluctance.

General Things to Consider

In the next section I go into some specific strategies based on the reason your kid may not want to travel. Before I get into the specifics, it’s also important to adopt a perspective as a parent as to why you want to travel and why you think it’s valuable for your kids. Here are some key points I come back to again and again as to why I believe in the power of travel.

Travel has Value – Even When it’s Hard

There are so many reasons travel is good for families: it helps to build core memories, it teaches new skills, it helps everyone gain new perspectives, it teaches you to overcome challenges and is simply fun! As a parent it’s often easy to see all the benefits of travel.

For kids who operate with much less reflection, these benefits are often hidden. While lecturing your kids on the benefits of travel is unlikely to make them exciting to travel, it’s helpful to solidify your own beliefs behind travel before you try to reason with your kids.

When we do Things as a Family: You aren’t Always Going to Like it

Another lesson we’ve adopted over the years is that you aren’t always going to like everything we do as a family – and that’s ok. We don’t insist that our kids are happy with everything we do and every decision we make, but we also ask that our kids don’t ruin it for everyone else. There is a huge difference between a kid not loving an activity but still making the most of it and a kid ruining everyone elses’ experience.

My son, Finley, in particular hates vacations that involve any amount of time spent sitting on a beach while his twin sister loves some beach time. We don’t require Finley to enjoy being at the beach, but we do ask him to make the best of the situation. At the same time we try to plan something that he will enjoy as well.

This is a reality in our day to day lives. I don’t love cleaning the house, but I make the most of it because it’s for the people I love and it means that tomorrow I might be able to do something I enjoy. We sometimes have to do things we don’t love, but we make the best of it.

Give Them the Chance to Share Their Opinions and Ideas

One way that help kids is to give them some say in the trip. It doesn’t mean they have to completely decide on the destination, but if each kid can plan an activity or even choose a place to eat it gives them control and gives them something to be excited about.

Being Uncomfortable is OK

Our day to day lives are often very comfortable. We live in comfortable routines: we know what we will eat, where we will sleep, and what to expect on most days. We even have our own coping mechanisms built into our day to day lives – a cup of tea in the morning, time of our phone, listening to music in our bed, etc.

Travel is uncomfortable. We often don’t know all the details and things don’t always work out. For kids, this can sometimes make them wonder why you would even travel. But being uncomfortable is ok and sometimes our kids need to learn this by simply being uncomfortable.

Addressing the Problem

Often the ideas above can help you address you kid’s reluctance to travel, but sometimes there is something more specific to their reasons. Below you can see some of the most common reasons kids don’t want to travel and how you can address the issue.

A fear of travel itself – flying, driving, etc

Often kids have a fear of travel itself. Sometimes these fear are justified and sometimes they aren’t. Perhaps they’ve seen news articles about travel that make it seem scary or maybe they heard someone’s scary story. Travel is often full of unknowns and this can be scary. Recognizing your kid’s fear is the first step in addressing it.

Depending on what your kid is afraid of and your kid’s age, try to give simple information about safetly. This may mean that you explain the actualy safety of planes or talk about some specific strategies for what to do if you are afraid.

Especially with teens you can discuss whether being afraid means you don’t do something or whether you try to overcome your fear.

If you have trouble overcoming your kids fear, perhaps you plan a trip that doesn’t involve that element. If your kids is afraid of flying, maybe start with a road trip and build up to a flight.

Social fear of missing something at home (with friends or sports or school)

This is a very real fear for some kids – especially as they get into the tween and teen years when social life is very important. It’s helpful to avoid planning travel when your kid will miss something huge and important. It’s also important to emphasize that the things that they miss may not be as important as they think.

Knowing that a 1 week trip is just a small time away and helps to emphasize the importance of spending time away from peers with family. In 5 years, will you remember going to the movie with friends or visiting London?

A need for control

We all want to have some control over our lives and kids are often pushing for this control – and they should!

This is often at the root of so many conflicts as kids get older. We want to give our kids control so they can make good choices for themselves when they become adults – but giving up control, especially on a vacation, can also feel hard for us as adults.

Providing kids as many opportunities to make their own decisions can help get from I don’t want to go – to ok I’ll go. While we don’t want our kids to decide everything – many kids feel more confident and comfortable when they can decide on an activity, or help pick out a hotel.

Here are a few ways you can give your kids some control without giving up complete control on a trip:

  • Give your kids a packing list but let them pack themself
  • Give them choices for an activity and let them choose
  • Let them pick one of the places you eat
  • Ask them to research transportation for a day and let them be the expert
  • Let them pick a day on the trip to sleep in

They are Unwilling to get out of their Comfort Zone and leave their Routine and Comforts

Why would you want to travel when you are comfortable all the time at home. All those travel lessons (like trying new food or gaining new perspective are uncomfortable. For older kids they may understand why this is important or they may not want to even try.

There are a few approaches you can take this this concern.

One approach is to try to maintain some of their comforts while you are traveling. Let them use their phone or choose places to stay and activities that are more comfortable.

You can also take the approach that a little discomfort is good and ok. Simply acknowlegding that you too are out of your comfort zone, or miss the dog or wish you had your own car can help your kid put this into perspective.

A Fear of the Unknown

For many kids, travel is unknown and thus scary. While your kids may not have specific fears (like flying) they may simple be fearful of the unknown. Watching videos or reading books about a specific destination can help your kids know what to expect. I have 1 kids who thrives with knowing what to expect and 2 kids who love the surprise. Knowing your kids and how to address the fear of the unknown is the best way to address this concern.

Not understanding why travel is fun and assuming they will be ‘bored’

This might be the concern I have the least patience with personally.

If your kids have never traveled they may not realize that travel is fun. Emphasizing that you will be traveling together and can make your own fun in the down time is important. Of course this means that your trip should include things you can do together as a family.

If you are traveling with just one kid, maybe you consider bringing a friend, or choose a destination that may have other kids. Getting your kids involved in the planning means that your kids will be able to have a say in what they think is fun. Often what is fun for adults is not fun for kids. I never want to sleep late on vacation and use up my vacation, on the other hand, my teens love to sleep so we work hard to come to an agreement on wake up time!

What Not to Do

While there are many things you can do to help your kids overcome their reluctance to travel, there are a few things you should not do.

Don’t Leave you Kids Behind (at least not all the time)

If your kids truly don’t love to travel, it is completely fine to plan a trip without them once in a while (and you should be doing this anyway). At the same time it’s not ok to never include your kids or to leave one specific kid behind. I’ve seen many people say – my teen doesn’t want to travel so I’m just going to leave them home so they don’t ruin the trip for the rest of us. This is unlikely to make your kid want to travel with you in the future and can be very challenging on your relationship. Instead, set expectations for how we act when we are doing something we don’t like. Leaving one kid behind will have much bigger consequences in the long run.

Another great option is to plan individual trips with kids at different times. Every 4 years we try to do a trip one on one with our kids. This is a fanastic way to cater a trip to exactly what each kid wants and also gives us one on one time with each kid. This allows no one to feel left behind since they each get a special trip.

Don’t Insist that They Are Happy All the Time

While we do insist our kids don’t ruin the trip for everyone and don’t complain all the time, we also don’t insist they pretend to be happy all the time. There is a huge difference between making the most of the situation and pretending to be happy. A kid who is pretending to be happy liekly won’t be excited to go on your next trip either.

Don’t Not Travel

Not traveling because one kids doesn’t want to travel does not solve the problem. As a parent you do many things for your kids, so even if your kid doesn’t want to travel, it’s ok for them to do something for you.

Avoiding travel because it’s hard or your kid doesn’t want to go robs you and your kids of valuable experiences.

Final Thoughts

We absolutely love to travel with our kids. Overcoming reluctant traveler is one step towards a fun and peaceful travel experience. I would love to hear how other have dealt with kids who don’t want to travel? Drop me a comment of come on over to Instagram and send me a message.

Did I miss the reason your kid doesn’t want to travel? Drop a comment and let me know.

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