Gretchen Stuppy Carlson
When I was 22 years old, I met my Dad in Sun Valley where he was for work. After a few days and some skiing, we drove from Sun Valley to Los Angeles with a stop in Las Vegas for 2 nights. It is the only trip I’ve ever done with just my dad. We drove through small towns, saw one of the last performances of Siegfried & Roy, lost $200 by accident in a taxi, ate sushi and listened to lots of oldies on the radio.
My dad’s travelled extensively, but as he’s gotten older, he remembers this trip often. The trip wasn’t anything spectacular, but it’s a shared memory that only we share and it was a powerful experience for both of us. And it’s something I’ve thought about often as I’ve raised my own kids.
Just before our twins turned 10, Dave got talking to a friend about amazing things they did with their kids when they were living at home. This dad started taking solo trips with each of his kids every few years and was describing the massive impact this had on their relationship. I instantly thought of the experience with my dad and we decided to prioritize this with our own kids.
For the twins 10th birthday we surprised them each with a trip – a single overnight with one parent and an experience tailored just to them. They loved it! Dave took Hadley to New York City for the night and they saw Wicked, I took Finley to Boston to see Jimmy Buffet preform at Fenway Park. It was such a success that we decided to make it a tradition. Here’s how it works.
10th Birthday – an overnight with one parent (somewhere we can drive or take a train)
14th Birthday – a weekend with the other parent. Somewhere domestic that we choose and plan together.
18th Birthday – one or both parents, destination and length open to discussion
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Why This Works
Sure – this is a gift for our kids. They get to go on a trip that is just for them. They get to choose a place or an activity and get an amazing solo trip with a parent. But really this is for us (the parents). We get the experience of a one on one trip with our kids – and the best part – it’s special, they love it, and they look forward to it. By starting this tradition when they were 10 they get to look forward to and anticipate these special trips.
5 Benefit of Solo Trips with your Kids
Stronger Parent-Child Bond – Without the distractions of partners, friends, or extended family, you and your child get focused one-on-one time, which strengthens your connection and builds lasting memories.
Boosts Independence and Confidence – Kids learn to navigate new places, try new foods, and adapt to different situations with your guidance, helping them grow more confident and self-reliant.
Encourages Mindful Parenting – Solo trips give you the chance to really notice your child’s interests, strengths, and personality, allowing for deeper understanding and more meaningful interactions.
Simplifies Decision-Making – Traveling alone with your child means you can plan activities based on their pace, preferences, and energy levels, avoiding compromises or debates about where to go.
Creates Lifelong Memories – These unique experiences become stories your child will cherish, and they often feel special knowing they had a dedicated adventure just with you.
Where Have we Gone?
For Freja’s 10th Birthday I took her to New York and we saw Hamilton. This year she’s 14 and we’re tossing around some ideas for her and Dave – like maybe going to a soccer or futsal game.
When Hadley turned 14 – we flew to San Diego for the weekend. We stayed with my aunt and my sister in law taught us how to surf.
When Finley turned 14, he and Dave flew to San Franscisco and visited Kings Canyon and Sequoia. It snowed and they had a fantastic trip.
Next year the twins turn 18 and we’re still trying to decide what this will look like.
Our Newsest Realization
This system of birthday trips every 4 years has been embedded in our family traditions for the last 7 years, but recently I realized something even more powerful – what if we don’t stop at 18? When if we create a tradition of solo travel with our kids every 4 years that last for as long as possible.
I mentioned this recently to our kids and they are on board.
I know that as they get older there will be conflicts: friends, jobs, partners, kids, etc. But establishing a family culture of spending one on one time together is something I hope we continue even as they become adults. If you wait around for 5 more years, I’ll let you know if this works or not – just make sure to sign up for my newsletter for updates!
